My characters, my stories, my heart poured out on paper.posted Oct 6th 2009, 5:43PM
Mood: Miserable
Venting:
Yesterday, I was diagnsosed with Hashimoto's thyroid disease. My own body is destroying my thyroid gland and the (still minor) swelling will never go away, nor will my hormone levels ever stop going haywire. I have a good endocrinologist who gives me medicine and ultrasounds and tested me for cancer...(it was negative, btw) Still, it's a bummer to hear. I will never be normal. So, uh, boo hoo.
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Now, onto the journal subject.
I worry that my characters and stories are worthless to other people and that they'll never be published or loved or looked at, and that makes me mad as hell. I keep working hard for some unknown reason...but I don't get enough encouragement to suit me, so I constantly run out of steam.
There's no reason to do it just for me. I want other people to care. I want my designs to be seen. I want my personalities to be talked about, considered, liked or disliked. I'm trying to build an entire world here; trying to build characters that resonate with other people; abilities that catch interest; and of course, I want my artwork to be pretty and my prose to inspire, intrigue, whatever the word is...
All I hear in my art class is "you shouldn't try to do that because it's just not your place". Whose place is it? I say it's that person who doesn't listen to everyone else's BS and goes on to make the stuff anyway! I want to follow my passions...but I don't want to do it alone. I don't want to produce work that only I like. I work hard, I learn things, I test my skill... When will it be enough to turn heads? When will I be allowed to take a breather?
I love my characters. To death. Each one is carefully built from a piece of me. It is not a selfish thing for me to want other people to like them too. What WOULD be selfish is me asking other people to worship them when they looked terrible, had crappy backstories, awful personalities, and no story to exist in. I don't know if I just haven't shown enough of them or if they really don't look that appealing, because I do not believe I am asking someone to like an empty, lifeless husk.
Bottom line, I feel like they are unloved. I want that to change, but I don't know HOW to change it... My NaNo ended yesterday. I got just over 10,000 words, failing the challenge miserably. It wasn't so bad, though--that's 10,000 words I never would have gotten if not for challenging myself. The next one I do will have an aim of around 25,000 words for the whole file; I think I can reach that one.
But then again, if it's just me and Rasmot reading what I write...
Well, I don't know if I really wanted responses here when I started the journal... I guess if you read and you feel something you want to say, by all means, say it. Feedback is what I crave, after all.
I ran into your page when I was just browsing from page to page and I quite like your art.
I also like your character designs and your writing style. I will watch you in hope of seeing more!
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